(My apologies again for the infrequent updates recently. I'm still looking for a new home an am as a consequence rather frazzled and busier than usual.)
Today's word is 冠婚葬祭 (かんこんそうさい kankonsousai). It's made up of 4 kanji characters, as you can see, and each one points to a particular rite of passage in a Japanese person's life:
冠 (かん kan): 元服(げんぶく、げんぷく genbuku or genfuku)) , or in modern Japanese 成人 (せいじん seijin) - coming of age, becoming an adult
婚 (こん kon): 婚礼 (こんれい konrei) - marriage
葬 (そう sou): 葬儀 (そうぎ sougi) - funeral rites
祭 (さい sai): - all other festivals and special events
In Japanese society, there are a lot of rules that one is supposed to follow to maintain smooth interpersonal relationships. A large part of that is the giving and receiving of gifts or money on special personal occasions, or 冠婚葬祭. The rules are so complicated that there are books and websites that instruct people what to give, who to give to, how much to give, as well as what to write, how to thank someone, congratulate someone, or send condolences and so on, depending on the occasion and who you are.
Here are some examples:
At New Year's, older relatives are expected to give the children of close relatives お年玉 (おとしだま otoshidama), a money gift. How much you give depends on the closeness of the relationship, the age of the child, and so on.
When someone dies, one brings an envelope with money when one pays their respects (as well as flowers etc.)
When you move into a new neighborhood, you are expected to introduce yourself to the neighbors on both sides, to the front, and to the back of your new house, but not necessarily to the neighbors diagonally next to your house. (If an apartment, you also introduce yourself to the neighbors above and below you.) You usually bring a small gift of something edible like a box of cookies or similar.
Twice a year, in the summer (お中元 おちゅうげん ochuugen) and at the end of the year (お歳暮 おせいぼ oseibo), you are supposed to show your thanks to your boss and other people you are obligated to show gratitude for, by sending them gifts.
When someone gets married, people send them gifts of money rather than things (no bridal registries!)
Gifts are expected for graduation or starting a new level of school, retirement, when a child reaches the age of 3, 5 or 7, and on and on. The recipient also has to give back a thank-you gift to the giftee! (Note: Perhaps surprisingly, birthday gifts are not traditionally given, though they are popular in recent years, like Christmas gifts.)
As you might guess, all of this gifting back and forth is a big business in Japan, and it can get quite expensive. Most people budget a serious chunk of their income for 冠婚葬祭 gifting purposes. But this is just considered a necessary part of living in the society.
Some years ago I picked up an American household money management book in the bargain bin of a bookstore (Barnes & Noble actually) in New York. It wasn't evident from the cover, but it was written for practicing Christians. In the book, the author listed some fixed expenses that she thought every household would have. One of those fixed expenses was for tithing; she recommended 10 to 15% of ones net income. I thought that's a lot to give to your church (disclosure: I grew up with Christian and general Shintoist-Buddhist parents, and as an adult I'm sort of agnostic/non-religious). But then, most Japanese household budget books and articles recommend setting aside a very similar amount of ones income for 冠婚葬祭 expenses, which are also described as お付き合い (おつきあい otsukiai), getting-along-with-people, expenses. It may be a stretch to say that interpersonal/societal gifting in Japan is the equivalent of giving to your religious institution, but you could argue that both types of spending help to keep ones place in life more acceptable.
Further reading
- This Japanese site lists a whole bunch of rules to follow for 冠婚葬祭 situations, as well as general etiquette and so on.
Hey Maki,
This is a really cool blog - thanks! :D
It's a good way to pick up some words I wouldn't normally come across.
Posted by: dan | 2009.03.19 at 06:10 AM
I learned something new today :)
These money gifts remind me a bit of the 'red envelopes' they exchange in China.
Posted by: kim | 2009.03.19 at 09:52 AM
I find this post fascinating! Never knew it before.
Thank you!
Posted by: Michal | 2009.03.20 at 10:11 PM
Infrequent updates or not, thank you for your fascinating posts. It takes me a while to absorb these new terms, so having them up for a few days is perfect for me :)
(Gift giving: My favourite part of traveling while I worked in Japan was picking out omiage for friends and colleauges.)
Posted by: kobuta | 2009.03.23 at 05:48 AM
Great blog :-) I'm going to send my Japan-interested readers over here!
Posted by: Harvey | 2009.03.25 at 11:48 PM
The thing that has gotten more difficult is that some people have stopped doing this in Japan. I know some people who give gifts (and expect them) and some who do not. There is not as much consistency anymore. I think the younger generation is getting wiser to the amount of money being spent on such things.
Posted by: Japanese words | 2009.04.04 at 08:37 AM
I was amused to know Japanese households put aside a budget for gifting during occasions. In Singapore, we too exchange gifts during special occasions but it's more ad-hoc.
For example, today is mooncake festival and prior to today, we've exchanged mooncakes with our neighbors and friends. We recommend our favourites to them and they do the same for us. It's an interesting way to get to taste new brands of food. ^_^
Posted by: howtowriteinjap | 2009.10.02 at 04:09 AM
This comment is very late, so you may not see it.
The Bible says to give 10% of your income in tithe to the church so that those who work in the church full time (and do not have any other income, like pastors) would have something to live on. It also covers utility costs of the church (rent/mortgage, water/heat/electricity, etc.). This is based on the model the Israelites used in B.C. (and A.D. until the temple was destroyed), so that the Levites (their priests who lived and worked in the temple) would have a means to live.
The Bible also says that we should give beyond the 10% as "gift offerings." Tithe is required. Offerings are not (but encouraged, and not required to be given via the church). So the extra 5% that book mentioned is taking this into account.
Just thought I'd explain why it's those numbers specifically, in case you were curious. :)
Posted by: April | 2010.04.16 at 04:36 PM