Breasts 'n nipples, part 3: French - a homage to Maurice Chevalier's Valentine

Ahh, Maurice Chevalier. Every stereotype of the debonair Frenchman has been modeled on his persona. He had a long, sometimes controversial career, but he will always be remembered for being suave, urbane, and witty. English speakers may know him best from Gigi.

One of Chevalier's signature songs was Valentine, which is about a girl called Valentine (pronounced val-un-tEEnu, not val-en-TEIN). It's here because, it's one of the most famous dirty songs ever! And yes, breasts feature prominently. It rather proves a pet theory I have, that you can get away with just about anything as long as you say it in French, which makes almost anything sound better.  Especially when it's delivered  in the  champagne-bubbly style of M. Chevalier.

I Googled around for an English translation of the lyrics, but couldn't find any (except for the execrable Babelfish crap). So, with considerable in-house assistance, here are the lyrics for Valentine in French and English. Note that the ton ton tontaine part could just there for the sound, like tra la la or doowop de wop. I've also read that  it could mean 'tentatively' or 'gropingly', which would fit.

First the French lyrics

On se rappelle toujours sa première maîtresse
J'ai gardé d'la mienne un souvenir pleine d'ivresse
Un jour qu'il avait plu
Tous deux on s'était plu
Ensuite on se plut de plus en plus

J'lui d'mandait son nom, elle me dit Valentine
Et comme elle suivait chaque soir la rue Custine
Je pris le meme chemin
Et puis j'lui pris la main
J'lui pris tout enfin

Elle avait des tout petits petons, Valentine, Valentine
Elle avait des tout petits tétons
Que je tâtais à tâtons, Ton ton tontaine
Elle avait un tout petit menton, Valentine, Valentine
Outre ses petits petons ses petits tétons son petit menton
Elle était frisée comme un mouton

Elle n'était pas une grande intelligence
Mais dans un plumard, ca n'a pas d'importance
Quand on a dix-huit ans
On n'en demande pas tant
Du moment qu'on s'aime, on est content

Elle n'avait pas un très bon caractère
Elle était jalouse et meme autoritaire
Pourtant, j'en étais fous
Elle me plaisait beaucoup
Parce que surtout

Elle avait des tout petits petons, Valentine, Valentine
Elle avait des tout petits tétons
Que je tâtais à tâtons, Ton ton tontaine
Elle avait un tout petit menton, Valentine, Valentine
Outre ses petits petons ses petits tétons son petit menton
Elle était frisée comme un mouton

Hier, sur le boulevard, je rencontre une grosse dame
Avec des grands pieds, une taille d'hippopotame
Vivement elle m'saute au cou
Me crie bonjour, mon loup
Je lui dis pardon, mais qui etes vous

Elle sourit voyons, mais c'est moi, Valentine
Devant son double menton, sa triple poitrine
Je pensais, rempli d'effroi
Qu'elle a changé , ma foi
Dire qu'autre fois

Elle avait des tout petits petons, Valentine
Mais ils sont enflés à présent Valentine
Elle avait des tout petits tétons des vraie p'tite pommes
Non non j'aime mieux parler d'autre chose voila

Elle avait elle avait un tout petit menton, avec une p'tite pincette
Elle en a quatre ou cinq mentons maintenant
Oh cette pauvre petite Valentine ca d'vrait pas etre permis ca non
C'est des trucs qui ne devarait pas etre permis
Non

And now the English translation

One always remembers his first lover
I keep the memories of mine when I am very drunk
One rainy day
We started to like each other
And then we liked each other more and more

I asked her for her name, she told me Valentine
And as she went along the Rue Custine every evening
I went the same way
I took her by her hand
and finally I took it

She had cute little feet, Valentine, Valentine
She had cute little tits
How I tried to touch, ton ton tontaine (touch them tentatively)
She had a cute little chin, Valentine, Valentine
Besides her little feet, her little tits, her little chin
she was frizzy like a sheep [It doesn't say where or how she was frizzy like a sheep...you can extrapolate]

She was not very bright
but in bed that's not important
When one is eighteen
one does not ask for much
When one is in love, one is happy

She did not have a good character
She was jealous and even bossy
but still, I was crazy for her
She gave me a lot of pleasure
just because, particularly

She had cute little feet, Valentine, Valentine
She had cute little tits
How I tried to touch, ton ton tontaine
She had a cute little chin, Valentine, Valentine
Besides her little feet, her little tits, her little chin
she was frizzy like a sheep

Yesterday, on the boulevard, I met a big lady
with big feet and the size of a hippopotamus
She jumped on my neck
shouting hello, my wolf
I asked her, sorry, but who are you?

She smiled, hey, but it's me, Valentine
With her double chin and her triple chest
I thought, full of horror
How she has changed
considering the past

She had cute little feet, Valentine
But they are stuffed today, Valentine
She had cute little tits like true little apples
No, no, I want to talk of other things now

She had, she had a cute little chin with a little cleft
She now has four or five chins
Oh, this little Valentine, that should be forbidden
That's things which should not be allowed
No

Here's M. Chevalier performing the chorus from song on the I Love Lucy show.

I don't know what Ricky Ricardo sings after him, since I don't understand Spanish. But Maurice Chevalier's lyrics are certainly not the simpering 'I love you, I love you true and true Valentine' English version sung by Little Ricky! He was singing about feeling up his girlfriend's tits on the Lucy show in front of a '50s American audience! I find that quite awesome.

Want more Maurice Chevalier? eMusic has a few of his albums.